Beaver fever, PR confessions and Tesla owners get creative. Catch up on the latest gossip in this week’s edition of The Capitalist

Be(aver) on the right side of history

Beaver fever has swept Westminster after the environment secretary announced that the aquatic rodents could be released into waterways as soon as this autumn. The plans were started under the last government but were put on hold as ministers feared beavers were a “Tory legacy” issue. But beaver releases are now thought to align with the government’s agenda as the animals work for free in flood prevention. Though hard-pressed taxpayers may welcome the plans, farmers are less happy. Already furious with the government about inheritance tax, the agricultural community has demanded the right to cull beavers should they become a nuisance. The Capitalist says: Dam.

The penny (doesn’t) drop

Former Tory leadership contender Penny Mordaunt has said that she was “privileged to meet members of the Azov battalion regarding prisoners of war being held by Russia”. While The Capitalist commends the sentiment, the Azov battalion has been politely described as “controversial” for its use of Nazi symbols and alleged human rights violations. As a former defence secretary she probably should have known that.

PR solution turns HR problem

The Capitalist has always held the deepest sympathy for PR professionals. Having to go on all those long boozy lunches must be such a hard slog. But an even harder slog, it turns out, is actually selling their clients into the papers. One publicist recently admitted to the The Capitalist that if they have a particularly boring client, they’ll write up the stories themselves and publish them on small websites, the PR professionals masquerading as journalists by using a fake name. Coverage is coverage, as the saying goes in PR-land, and the client is happy. Might be time to cancel that retainer. 

Musky view

Is it bad lighting or has that Tesla turned into a Toyota? Owners of Elon Musk’s cars have been rebranding their vehicles to turn them into Toyotas, Hondas, Mazdas, Audis and – well – pretty much anything other than anything bankrolled by Musk, according to images shared on social media. The Realratedred Instagram page suggests people are defacing their own cars over “speculation that owners are distancing themselves from the brand due to Musk’s controversial political ties“. The Capitalist can’t help but wonder whether sticking an Audi logo over a Tesla one is going to change much in US politics, but nonetheless we command the push for expression. 

Fun at the Kebaftas

SW1’s great and good were out in force at the Kebab Awards, aka the ‘Kebaftas’, on Wednesday evening. The Westminster Park Plaza hotel hosted MPs, lobby journalists and kebab restaurant owners – alongside belly dancers – for what’s, strangely enough, become one of the big nights out of the political year. The Capitalist dined, appropriately, last year on what we’d call a deconstructed kebab – but 2025’s feast was more of a roast dinner offering, with carrots, parsnips and gravy alongside various meats and a layered potato side dish. The silent auction also included a Tracey Emin sketch and framed Taylor Swift merchandise, but sadly the Capitalist’s expenses budget didn’t run to a bid.